Welcome to the Bold as Love podcast!

Hey mama, I’m Karine, your host of the (weekly) Bold as Love podcast. I’m a researcher, anthropologist, contemplative practices practitioner and teacher, and most of all I love to share ideas that empower others. And I hope you’ll find something empowering and perspective-shifting in these episodes for you!

This pod has been a long time in the making, I have to tell you. Maybe 43 years? Seriously, though, this is a podcast with a mission at heart to speak straight to the hearts of women and mothers who are curious and open and interested in new ideas and perspectives on motherhood and parenting.

If I manage to help another woman wake up just a little bit more to her own life, then I’m thankful.

Join my Facebook group here if you’d like to help start a community of women walking this path together (I’d love to know who you are!)

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BAL005: Slowing Down, Anxiety & The Rhythm of Things

This is the time year when the natural slowing down of the world around us can be an invitation for us to slow down with it.  But that's not easy for many women who are neck-deep in the culture of doing.  There’s a kind of trauma to everyday life in the modern world.  The busy-ness of our minds reflect the hurriedness of our lives.  Even when we’re in a calm environment, the mind can be a madhouse of activity.  This experience alone - of not having the time and space to digest the many experiences we have are one thing, but when they also happen to people living in a state of disconnection (from themselves), well, this situation gets increasingly challenging.  It’s as if you'd eaten something, and then, instead being allowed to digest what you’ve just eaten, you keep eating and eating...until you’re in a state of overwhelm and anxiety.  And without the ability to slow down, it's hard to ever break the cycle. Slowing down, while scary, invites us back into a relationship with self and life that has a rhythm we can dance to.   

BAL004: Our Anger (and what it's pointing us to)

Welcome back! I'm talking about anger in this episode and I'm sure it won't be for the last time.  The subject of anger, and especially anger for women, has come up a lot recently, and I feel that's important. But the anger we hold often points us to something else in our experience that we need to address because anger often holds the powerful energy of healthy aggression captive - an energy that wants to move and transform something in our lives.  This is the first of other discussions of how our vital and healthy life energy is mobilized to help us respond to the world but key for us in knowing how to allow it to move is knowing how to be with it and allow it to inform a wise and creative engagement with the world.  While anger can hold us captive and fuel an unhealthy aggression, healthy aggression can propel us forward and fuel wise, creative and assertive action in the world.  

BAL003: Mr.Rogers & The Power of Relationship

Welcome back, mama!  In this episode I talk about the power of relationship for children.  I tell you a story about how a simple but intentional television figure was able to establish relationship (not only with me, but with thousands of other children) that made a huge impact on my life.  And how this speaks to the important presence of other figures in the lives of a child (alloparents and others) who can help provide for that child a foundation, a base, upon which they can stand when the environment around them is shaky.  You might be surprised to know just how impactful a simple (but intentional) question like: "how are you doing?" can provide a thread of stability for a child who needs it. As an advisory - I do briefly talk about abuse relationships. I hope you enjoy the show! 

BAL002: The Selfless Mother Myth

Why it matters (intro)

There are many myths of motherhood, but the one about the "self-less" mother is one of the most insidious and difficult to challenge because being selfless is really honorable, right? The sweetest hallmark cards talk about how much mom does for us, how much mom sacrifices for us, and loves us, and how big and limitless that love is. A mother's love can be beautiful, but there’s an undercurrent here for the selfless mother that speaks to an expectation many women feel to be the good and sacrificial mother who doesn't think of herself. Her ability to always respond to the needs and demands of others, however, often comes at a cost to her.  What if we could do both - love ourselves and give to others?  

What i talk about in this episode

There is an expectation all around us for what the role of a mother should look like. A "Selfless Mother" who no longer has any interest, hobbies or aspirations of her own. A mother who puts everyone else's needs before her own, to the point of her own detriment. A mother who "does it all" and never complains. Even if you think that as a mother you should be able to have your own interests and a fulfilling career, you may notice that you feel a tinge of guilt and shame when you choose to pursue the things that are just for you. That's a sign that you've internalized this expectation of the Selfless Mother that is present all around you. It can be difficult to shake that guilty feeling because selflessness in and of itself is an incredible virtue. But those who are truly serving others with their selflessness do so from a place of wellbeing and abundance. The Selfless Mother is often serving others because it is simply expected of her. It comes from a place of insecurity and fear that she is never doing enough or being enough to fit the role of what a mother should be. Women are taught what is expected of them very early on in life. Over time, women learn to be people pleasers and to take on the role of the "good girl" which ultimately becomes the role of the "good mother" or the "selfless mother". Since this selflessness was always an expectation and never really a choice, this form of selflessness can feel like a cage. It can become a toxic breeding ground for resentment. Taking on the role of the Selfless Mother is often the result of playing out our lives without really being present or aware of it. When you "wake up" to your own life and begin to observe these internalized expectations, you have the power to change it. So many mothers pass on this expectation to their children without even realizing it, because it's just automatic. But when you begin to be more intentional and more awake to what's going on inside of you and around you, you then have the power to write your own story. You have the power to pass on something new and enlightened to future generations.

reflections/take aways

What are your thoughts on the Selfless Mother narrative? Do you know this narrative in your own life? Have you seen it playing out? If so, how? If you feel like you have an insight here you'd like to share, or even a story that speaks to this topic please leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you! And don’t forget to check out my Expand Your Bandwidth mini-training that delves deeper into this and other similar topics.

resources

Expand Your Bandwidth mini-training (on this site)

Humans of New York - humansofnewyork.com - IG @humansofny